No extended warranty but unequalled upgrade package

My life, and yours, and whomever comes along are small gifts born of biological chance.  Kind of.  Yes I met your mother whilst looking around for a date, but the TIMING of me doing so was simply amazing.  I was a pioneer of internet trolling.  Basically a hero.  I somehow FOUND, BRIEFLY SCANNED, and retained somehow enough info from to concoct a rediculously charming Monty Python opening line that worked wonders.   SEVERAL hundred others came after with futile imitation.  Lame.  Of course my invitation to play monopoly on a sunny weekend afternoon was a delightful treat.  Betting that she had to stay the night if I won sure had her competitive side fired up.  I went all wall street though (took her money when she wasn’t looking) and did not only win.  I destroyed her financially and broke her will.  Then, penniless and broken she was forced to spend the night.  That’s right kiddos, I literally weaponized your generations blathering and sputtering exaggerations and definitions of White Male Privilege and used it on a square of cardboard covered with worthless money to ensure that you both blipped into existence.  Had I been wearing skinny jeans and a fedora you both might have been mixed with tears in a woke nightmare universe of stiff gym socks.